Monday, July 26, 2010

Hitting the Play Button

after a few week of 'pause'-ing my research study.

Somehow I find that its one of the hardest thing to resume after Abah passed away. Macam hilang sikit semangat gitu. Maybe because he's my inspiration in study.

My first ever research paper written after I joined my current workplace were checked and verified by him. I remember him obediently reading my pages of printed draft, correcting my grammar, suggesting more clearer more appropriate sentences, rearranging the paragraph and so on.. Eventhough he dont really has any idea about my research on the first place (since our research background are different). By the end of that day he can fully understand it (if not more more than i do).

Thats my Abah.

Thats his nature, a teacher, a lecturer. Even after he retired from UPM he never stops teaching.. He continued to teach, giving lectures at Darussyifa' on medicinal herbs. In fact a day before he passed away, he just got back from Kedah, giving his class (his final class) at Darussyifa' Kedah branch.

I remember my (last) conversation (about my thesis) with him 3-4 weeks back. He was sitting on that red chair, massaging his feet with that feet massager I gave him and my mum as their combined birthday gift (hehe).. He asked me..

"So how ur master research?"

I shrugged, and said something like..

"Slowly progressing, he he he.."

Then he starts giving me a few tips and whatnot which I totally cannot recall right now besides..

"Ur introduction chapter should be written last.."

Yups thats all I can remember right now, introduction should be written after the other chapters are completed. I'll tuck that safely along with the visuals of him sitting on that red chair in my memory. I miss asking him series of questions, discussing with him stuffs that i dont really understands, stuffs that i think would sound silly if I asked my own supervisor. Simple stuffs like how can I write literature reviews if there're not much jurnals published on my research? While i knew my supervisor will ask me to keep digging, Abah gave me a different point of view.

So today I'm summoning all my courage to restart, resume my research. A bit is enough, just for a kickstart. Babysteps, before I can start running again.

And writing this entry mark my new beginning..

Abah, Along rindu.
Along doakan Abah sedang bersenang-senang di taman syurga.

Alfatihah to my beloved father.

p/s - Thank You Allah for blessing me with such a wonderful family..
- Thank You Emak for keeping strong and holding us together
- Thank You Papa for always being there for me, when I'm at my most vulnerable state
- Thank You my Sister and Brothers for keeping strong and being there for each other
- Thank You Awisy for bringing smile to our sad face
- Thank You again Allah, for the test You bestow upon us, for the strength You give Us. Bless Us. We live and we'll die for You.

Insyallah. Amin

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